


Disdain

by Nichya



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: F/M, God Complex, Light is Demisexual, M/M, Multi, Regret, Resentment, Yagami Light Being an Asshole
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:35:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26001244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nichya/pseuds/Nichya
Summary: Light reflects on his past relationship with L.
Relationships: Amane Misa/Yagami Light, L/Yagami Light, Mikami Teru/Yagami Light, Takada Kiyomi/Yagami Light
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29





	Disdain

It had been years since L's death, but Light still felt like that strange detective was his rival - his _only rival._ The only that mattered.

Near and Mello, and who knows how many other kids that had been raised to be a copy of L, had been a nice surprise. A pleasant challenge to keep his mind off the mind numbing _boredom_ that was his everyday life. But they were just that. Copies. Flawed alternative versions of something great. They would never match up to the original, not even if they joined efforts. L was unique, and Watari had doomed these kids by trying to make them replace the irreplaceable.

Near had been smart enough to hide from Kira, but that was simply basic intelligence. He had not executed insane, yet absolutely brilliant plans that would have definetively worked on anyone else on the plannet. He wasn't bold enough to get close to a God - and he would have never been smart enough to pose any threat like L did. Mello had been even less bright, by trying to attack two rivals that were better than him in every way.

But Light supposed he should thank Mello for giving him a chance to get rid of Takada. It had been stressful to keep pretending to be in love with two women that were way in over their heads thinking they would ever be good enough for a God. At least now he only had to deal with Misa, who was by far the stupider of the two. One simple "i love you" every now and again was enough to shut her up for some time. Takada actually had a brain and some self-respect, which forced him to work thrice as hard to keep up the facade.

The hardest part of every day was trying to get any sleep. Being in bed reminded him of the strange nights he had spent with L. Sometimes he could almost feel the weight of the handcuffs on his wrist, as well as the bizarre feeling that being watched by L always brought up in him.

His mind forced him to remember L. To remember _Ryuzaki._ The man who had made him feel more alive than anyone and anything ever did. He just couldn't forget his kiss, his touch, his voice, the feeling of being in his arms and whispering his "name". Light had never been interested in romance or sex before, but Ryuzaki had awaken something in him. 

Light knew he would have never fallen in love with the detective if he had not given up his memories of the Death Note. Sure, L was by far the most brilliant mind in the world after Light himself... but he was still L. A socially inept freak who looked like he was insane, had a surprisingly perverted mind, was too obcessed with food, and couldn't even sit properly in a chair. Even being forced to be with him nearly every second of every day wouldn't have made a God fall in love with that creature - but it was more than enough for a human.

Had it not been by that simple fact, Light would have been completely satisfied by his relationship with Mikami. The man was absolutely devoted to him, and to their plan for a perfect world. He was clever, patient, methodical, and - most important of all - actually knew how to act like a human being. He would have been the perfect partner and lover, but because of his lingering feelings for L, Light could only see him as something frustratingly close to ideal, that been ruined by the grave flaw of not being L. Mikami was his loyal follower - Light needed a rival.

Ryuk had warned him that this would happen. That it just wouldn't be the same now that L was dead. Light tried to pretend it just meant that now he was closer than ever to achiving his goal, and although Kira's justice had been pretty much accepted as a fact by most people, all he could think about was how empty, lonely and detached he had become. Again.

L used to make him feel everything - rage, respect, disgust, disdain, love, desire - just by being in the room. Now all he could feel was L's absence taking over every corner of his mind. 


End file.
